Savage and Civilized
by McHansenffrey
Summary: Ralph: Ask us your questions and we will answer them. Jack: We will answer all questions no matter how inappropriate. Roger: Some blood will be spilt in the making of this video. Maurice: WE LOVE YOU! Roger: Not really.
1. Puppies, Are They Edible?

Ralph: Roger...stop eating puppies  
Roger: NEVER!  
Jack: Let him have his fun  
Simon: *does not know what to say* Um... *faints*  
Roger: *Walks over and kicks Simon*  
Ralph: Roger!  
Roger: Yes? *confused as to why he's mad*  
Ralph: Stop kicking Simon! We are proper English men not brutes!  
Roger: Fuck you I'll do what I want.  
Jack: Lol he pwned you.  
Ralph: *Gives what he thinks is an evil glare, but is really a demented clown face*  
Maurice: OMG IZ HERE TOO! HAI! *sees unconscious Simon* Oh... this again...  
Simon: *Wakes up* Hi Percival, how are you?  
Percival: *Runs away crying*  
Roger: *throws rocks at Percival*  
Jack: Roger you have better aim than that... HIT HIM GOD DAMNIT!  
Roger: Fuck off I'm lazy today. I have better aim than you, at least.  
Piggy: *Appears in all of his fat glory holding an exact replica of the conch*  
Simon: Oh... hi Piggy.  
Piggy: Hello Simon, how has the afterlife been treating you? I heard that God told everyone in heaven you were a reincarnation of Jesus.  
Simon: Oh yeah, that. Well, you see I didn't actually die on the island; I was just mauled to unconsciousness, so...  
Maurice: ACKNOWLEDGE ME SOMEBODY I AM HERE! *freaking out**  
Roger: *Throws random spear at Maurice* How's that for acknowledgement?  
Maurice: Oh hello Roger.  
Bill: Hi Roger.  
Jack: OMG BILL when did you get here?  
Bill: I am always here.  
Ralph: Stalker.  
Simon: What are you guys talking about? That's a refrigerator...  
Everybody: **stares at Simon**  
Sam: Simon-  
Eric: That's Bill  
Simon: Are you sure?  
Ralph: Oh God Simon not this again.  
Simon: Why is there a talking monkey in here? Roger help!  
Jack: God he must be batty if he is asking Roger for help.  
Roger: Jack's right for once. Of all people, why me?  
Simon: I dunno you're just there...  
Roger: That makes me feel so much better (INSERT SARCASM HERE)  
Maurice: Why not me? I'LL HELP YOU SIMON! *runs awkwardly to Simon*  
Simon: OH GOD HELP ME THERE'S AN ELEPHANT RUNNING AT ME! *cowers in corner*  
Jack: Is there an asylum around here, I think Simon needs help.  
Roger: He definitely needs help... *kicks Simon again*  
Simon: Ow. I'd really like it if you stopped.  
Ralph: Guys, we didn't come here to kick Simon or eat puppies. We came here to give people a chance to ask us questions.  
Piggy: Exactly Ralph. That's why you're the chief.  
Jack: Shut up, fatty  
Roger: *takes another bite out of his puppy stew* I think Ralph is right, mostly.  
Everyone: ROGER!  
Ralph: That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me. I love you too Roger!  
Roger: Don't get used to it Blondie. And we all know its Jack you love.  
Jack: Ewww... you can have him Roger.  
Ralph: Don't flatter yourself. *huff* Gingers...  
Jack: Blondes... I'd want a brain over a soul any day.  
Maurice: PURPLE HAIR IZ BEST! *suddenly has purple hair*  
Everyone: *is confused*  
Piggy: Back to the matter at hand, we need to tell the viewers to send us letters with questions.  
Simon: Yes! Ask us questions and such, we're glad to answer!  
Jack: Viewers, feel free to ask us questions. And hot girls; send your phone numbers with the letters.  
Piggy: *rolls eyes*  
Roger: And if anyone wants to volunteer to be tortured so I can work on technique that's fine too.  
Piggy: Roger!  
Roger: *Glares at Piggy* I can volunteer you, if you want.  
Piggy: *Wets pants*  
Samneric: Yay! It's not us for once!  
Roger: You two are next.  
Samneric: Dammit, so close.  
Jack: I think we need to wrap this up before things get out of hand. Remember to send questions and phone numbers to your favorite character, which better be me.  
Maurice: SEND ME YOUR LOVE!  
Roger: I need some volunteers.  
Piggy: Goodbye.  
*Video clicks off but sound stays on*  
Everyone except Jack and Ralph leave room.  
Jack: I love you Ralph  
Ralph: I love you too Jack. Think they suspected anything really?  
Jack: Yes. We need more hatred.  
Ralph: Alright then *make out noises*  
*Make out noises stop when piggy walks in room.*  
Piggy: We forgot to turn off the live feed. *Clicks off button and leaves*


	2. The Secrets Are Out

**I'm going to be the first question. YAY!**  
**Roger: If you could torture anyone who would it be? And what is your favorite torture? (BTW you're my favorite)**  
**Maurice: -sends hug- You're my second favorite. . Anyways do you know any secrets about anyone? You seem the type to know a lot about people.**  
**Jack: How did you and Roger become friends?**  
**Simon: How are you so nice to everyone?**  
**SamnEric: Have you two ever had fights with each other?**  
**Ralph and Piggy: I can't really think of questions for you two.**  
**Hope you answer my questions! :D**  
**~imamonster1221**

Ralph: It seems like we have our first letter. Roger you have the first two questions on a topic I'm sure you are very familiar with.  
Roger: I do love a good torture session. *has dreamy but sadistic look on his face* Well out of the people on the island it would have to be... Maurice.  
Maurice: YAAAAYYYYYYY! I HAVE BEEN CHOSEN! :D  
Piggy: Maurice, that's not really something to be happy about...  
Jack: Let him have his fun.  
Simon: But not too much fun... when you guys have fun I end up almost dead.  
McHansenffrey: SIMON LIVES ON IN OUR REALITY!  
Maurice: It's okay Simon, at least you're still alive unlike Piggy. There is no way Piggy could have survived from that boulder, Roger wouldn't make that mistake.  
Roger: Back to my questions... my favorite torture method is carving people with knives. Skin is such a great canvas.  
Sam: I know... we still have-  
Eric: The scars to prove it  
Maurice: Secrets, secrets, secret... oh I know! First I'll start with Piggy... he's fat!  
Ralph: That's so original, Maurice.  
Jack: We knew that already.  
Maurice: I don't know any secrets about him though... I have a good one about you though, we'll save that for last *devilish grin*. Roger-  
Roger: Would you like to be my new canvas? *glaring eyes of Satan*  
Maurice: reads poetry!  
Roger: *throws spear at Maurice, it misses* Only Poe.  
Maurice: No, no. There was more than that. I saw some Emily Dickinson in there.  
Roger: *throws another spear* Shut up. *blushing*  
Jack: *sniggers*  
Simon: That's cool, Roger! I like Emily Dickinson too :)  
Maurice: Okay Simon, since you decided to speak... SIMON CURSED ONCE! HE DROPPED THE F-BOMB!  
Everyone: *gasps*  
Jack: Simon!  
Simon: No! It wasn't... I-  
Sam: Simon!  
Eric: Watch your language!  
Ralph: It's okay Simon. The rest of us curse like fucking sailors.  
Simon: *turning bright red* But-  
Roger: Fucking get over it... It's not a big deal.  
Jack: What the hell could've happened to make him curse?  
Maurice: He... saw a Piggy & Simon slash on  
Piggy: WHAT THE FUCK?!  
Simon: See?  
Ralph: That's just... That's...  
Simon: There is a really creepy Roger & Piggy slash... it talks about beautiful double chins... it scarred me for life.  
Roger: That's... messed up... and that's coming from me.  
Maurice: On to Samneric. They had a threesome with the next door neighbor.  
Sam: WHAT?!  
Eric: LIES!  
Maurice: That's right. I know all about your dirty little secret! It's not as bad as Jack and Ralph's dirty little secret though.  
Jack: Maurice, as Chief I order you to stop.  
Maurice: Has anyone watched last video. *Everyone shakes head no.* Good.  
Ralph: Maurice...  
*Video comes on*  
Piggy: Goodbye.  
*Video clicks off but sound stays on*  
Everyone except Jack and Ralph leave room  
Jack: I love you Ralph  
Ralph: I love you too Jack. Think they suspected anything really?  
Jack: Yes. We need more hatred.  
Ralph: Alright then *make out noises*  
*Make out noises stop when Piggy walks in room.*  
Piggy: We forgot to turn off the live feed. *Clicks off button and leaves*  
*video turns off*  
Everyone: *Silence*  
Roger: *blank stares for a few moments* OH MY GOD JALPH IS A THING  
Simon: Sorry, Rock. You live on in the hearts and minds of the fangirls.  
McHansenffrey: I love you ROCK!  
Ralph: *coming out of shock* That was a video edit.  
Jack: Mhmm. Defs. You know... those fangirls... *blushing*  
Ralph: Yup. They ship us all the time. *awkward laugh*  
Jack: You know them! With their Simon and Piggy pairings and such...  
Everyone: *shudders at the thought*  
Maurice: JALPH!  
Simon: We know you guys are lying and there is nothing wrong with being gay. God, Samneric have threesomes with each other. Now make out and stop being pansies.  
Jack: Fuck it! *Leans over and kisses Ralph full on the mouth... Roger stops them when tongue comes into the scene*  
Simon: Awww!  
Roger: Ew... affection...  
Piggy: Okay, I'm really happy for your gayness and all, but we still have questions to answer.  
Jack: Alright... well me and Roger became friends, sort of, when I started sitting next to him on the bus rides to performances. I would talk to him and he would listen, kind of, and one day he answered me back and formed a tentative friendship. We bonded more so over plans to kill Ralph. *Turns guiltily towards Ralph* I love you.  
Ralph: Shut up baby I know it.  
Simon: Aww!  
Maurice Y'ALL ARE TOTES ADORBZ!  
Piggy: Alright, it's Simon's turn.  
Simon: Oh...It just comes naturally to me I guess  
Maurice: EVERYTHING COMES NATURALLY, IT COMES NATURALLY, WHEN YOU'RE WITH ME BABY-  
Roger: *throws spear* Never. Again. Maurice.  
Maurice: WHAT DOESN'T KILL YOU MAKES YOU STRONGER, STAND A LITTLE TALLER-  
Roger: *knocks Maurice unconscious with random rock*  
Simon: At least I'm not the only one who ends up unconscious :D *proceeds to faint*  
Samneric: That didn't last long.  
Ralph: Samneric! You have a question!  
Sam: We do!  
Eric: Yay!  
Sam: Actually, we don't fight much! We're just awesome like that.  
Eric: Um, yes we do.  
Sam: No. We're. Just. Awesome. Like. That.  
Eric: But-  
Sam: Shhh. We've answered our question.  
Eric: I didn't even get to say anything! You never let me talk!  
Sam: Do so!  
Eric: No! You always talk over me or some shit like that!  
Ralph: Guys, this isn't very productive-  
Eric: No! I'm so done with being overlooked!  
Sam: What are you saying?  
Eric: SHUDDAP! SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP! It's my turn to talk now. It's always Samneric this and Samneric that, blah blah blah. Sam, Sam Sam. IT'S MY TURN!  
Sam: Okay, okay, fine. You can answer the question, bro. Sorry.  
Eric: S'all good. As for the question- nah. We don't fight much. We're just awesome like that.  
Piggy: There is no question for me... I'm always looked over.  
Ralph: I've had enough fun for today. Come on Jack... I think our room would be much better suited for various other activities besides this.  
Jack: We don't room together...  
Roger: Oh, God.  
Ralph: We do now. Roger, you're bunking with Simon... I support Siger all the way.  
Simon: *wakes up* What? What'd I miss?  
Piggy: Goodbye.  
*Live feed clicks off*


	3. Roger Wins!

**Question for Simon**  
**What's your meaning of life and also if u didn't die how are you here didn't jack or someone dispose of your body?**  
**Question for all of the guys (I'm sorry piggy that doesn't include whales)**  
**Who is the group has better abs?**  
**Also what is your type?**  
**~lotf fan**

Ralph: We are back! I hope you missed us!  
Roger: How is your room with Jack? I'm not really happy with my living arrangements. I keep having to make sure Simon isn't dead.  
Jack: We are enjoying our room very much. *Puts sly grin on face and glances over to Ralph.* Aren't we Ralph?  
Ralph: Y-y-yes w-we a-a-are. *Blushes furiously.*  
Roger: That's nice, but next time Simon faints and hits his head on the table I'm leaving him.*Sadistic look takes over face.*  
Piggy: Enough with our talking about Simon fainting and Jalph sex. Lets get on to the real issue...  
Simon: My question!  
Roger: No one cares.  
Maurice: Shush! I want to hear this.  
Simon: Well, I mean, that's a pretty important question...  
Maurice: TOUCH DOWN!  
Everyone: Dafuq?  
Maurice:Don't mind me here...  
Simon:...Okay... Well, I suppose it would be to learn as much as you can and be a good person, at least for me.  
Roger: My life goal is to kill 40 people in 40 different ways from 40 different nationalities that all speak a different language. I also want to hear if people with different accents scream differently.  
Simon: Oh... um-  
Piggy: That's terrible!  
Jack: Are you really surprised, fatty?  
Maurice:YES! WHOOO!  
Roger: I appreciate your excitement Maurice, but-  
Maurice: BOO! YOU SUCK VICK! GO MANNING!  
Ralph: Are you watching football?  
Roger: Don't hate on Vick! I like him.  
Jack: What? Roger likes something besides torture? *shock*  
Maurice: He's a dog torturer!  
Roger: And I get the leftovers...  
Simon: *faints*  
Piggy: Moving on-  
Jack: Shut up Fatty!  
Piggy: Simon, your other question?  
McHansenffrey: Since Simon's out, we'll answer this question!  
Jack: Who the hell are you?  
McHansenffrey: Hush up. Just kidding we love you. But anyways, Simon's alive because we love him and he can't die because we love him. Remember, this is our own reality here. *flies away into the sunset with nyan cat trailing behind*  
Jack: Um... that was...  
Ralph: Yeah. Simon was rescued from the ocean by that ship that rescued us. He was unconscious, but not dead.  
Jack: Next question!  
Simon: *Wakes up* Oooh, question!  
Jack: Who has the best abs, besides Piggy because whale don't count.  
Piggy: I resent that.  
Simon: Okay guys seriously why is there a whale in the room? *scared*  
Jack: *Looks at Simon strangely but ignores him.* I DO! I HAVE THE BEST ABS!  
Roger: HA fatty he pwned you  
Piggy: Simon :(  
Simon: IT'S TALKING TO ME!  
Ralph: Simon it is not a whale, it is Piggy who is just whale like  
Simon: Are you sure?  
Everyone: YES  
Simon: Oh... Sorry Piggy!  
Ralph: It's ok...and Jack has the best abs.  
Maurice: Woah now, have you SEEN Roger?  
Roger: Um... a little creepy, but he's right.  
Simon: I vote for Roger too  
Maurice: I think it just comes with the sexy thing  
Roger: :)  
Jack: THIS IS BLASPHEMY!  
*Samneric poof in out of thin air.*  
*POOF!*  
Sam: We -  
Eric: vote-  
Samneric: Roger too! *poof away.*  
Roger: HA! I win.  
Jack: *scowls* You win this time.  
Piggy: For the next question... if I am allowed to answer...  
McHansenffrey: NO YOU ARE NOT!  
Piggy: *hurt* okay. :(  
Jack: I like guys … obviously. *Turns to Ralph with a sweet smile on his face* I like blonds that always see the best in people, even fat lards.. and me. I like them because they complete me with my arrogant and stupid personality and make me want to be a better person.  
Simon & Maurice: Awwww... thats adorable!  
Ralph: :')  
Jack: Now that the mushy stuff is over with... *Leans over and whispers in Ralphs ear*  
Ralph: *Turns bright red* I... um... love you too... *Trails off in a really high pitched voice*  
Maurice: OH MY GOD JACK YOU NAUGHTY THING!  
Jack: WTF you heard me?  
Maurice: Don't have to. *creeper*  
Roger: Moving on, there is way too much lust in this room *Pushes Maurice away.*  
Maurice: *Inches a little closer*  
Ralph: I like tall gingers with an ego the size of China who knows when to be sweet and all of my... sensitive spots.  
Roger: EW oh my God Ralph TMI TOO MUCH AFFECTION HERE!  
Jack: ONLY the size of China?  
Maurice: *Inches closer*  
Ralph: Maybe the whole continent of Asia... with Russia combined...  
Piggy: Actually, Russia is-  
Ralph: SUCKS TO YOUR GEOGRAPHY!  
Roger: I like a girl who is sadistic like me and would help me with my goal in life.  
Maurice: Perfect first date! *inches closer*  
Roger: Anyway... lust is fine, affection... not so much.  
Maurice: I see... *intriqued* Well MY TYPE IS SOMEONE WHO fell off their rocker a long time ago, like me! Or you know, someone I can just generally be obsessed with. *glances around room*  
Simon: That's... nice?  
Ralph: What about you, Simon?  
Simon: Huh? Me? *blushes* Well, I guess someone who can understand me... who likes to learn, and is nice to everyone, even the Rogers of the world.  
Roger: Thanks Simon.  
Maurice: *Inches closer and is now right behind Roger*  
Roger: *Finally notices Maurice* MAURICE WTF! *Punches Maurice in the face.*  
Maurice: *knocked out*  
Simon: That was mean! Well, looks like we should go now.  
Piggy: Keep sending your letters! And maybe be a little nicer to me?  
Roger: No.  
Jack and Ralph: *Too busy making out to notice them signing off*  
Simon: Byee! ^.^


	4. Sad Face

**Oh, Maurice, you're so perfect.(I'm Rogice all the way.) Anyways; **  
**Sam'n Eric I just wanted to say my sis an' I are twins, too! I so love you two!**  
**Maurice, what are YOUR secrets?**  
**Piggy, you were officially chosen as our group essay topic. We had to explain how you were on the RESPECT WHEEL... Uhmm, what do you do when you're alone, I wonder?**  
**Jack, can you make Ralph "Sing C#"?**  
**Ralph, have you read your fanfictions with Jackfruit Honeydew?**  
**Maurice, Why do you always smile, and if I asked you to kiss Roger, would you?(Yay for Rogice S&M)**  
**Roger, don't kill me. I love you, too.;3 (Someone in my class has the last name Rogers, so I think it's funny that he feels weird for me saying I like Roger..)**  
**Samneric, have you read "Bullied"? It's actually quite heartbreaking to me... _**  
**I actually want to say something to all, but...**  
**JACK MAURICE ROGER BILL ROBERT HAROLD HENRY SIMON...!**  
**Percival, you poor boy, I want to give you a hug...**  
**And don't forget the mulberry marked boy. He started the whole /beastie/ thing.**  
**Sam' Eric, do you have fun confusing people with looks, and such, and do you do it on purpose, sometimes?**  
**McHansenffrey, I salute you! Please keep these alive..!**  
**~Archmini-Chimera-HS2-PJ9**

Ralph: Hello our readers!  
Simon: You're in a good mood today.  
Ralph: I had a good night...sorry for any disturbances.  
Roger: Dear god Ralph I don't need to know every fucking detail.  
Jack: There was fucking involved...  
Piggy: We answer questions here, not talk about Jalph's unmentionable misdeeds.  
Maurice: I HAVE A QUESTION ASDFGHJKL  
Simon: Yay!  
Jack: You have-  
Roger: Don't mention it... he will scream more.  
Maurice: One of my secrets... I... um... You see... mmmm... I WATCH ROGER WHILE HE SLEEPS! *Cowers back in fear*  
Jack: Maurice, as creepy as that is, we all knew that already.  
Roger: WHAT?! I knew nothing of the sort!  
Simon: I caught him 2 weeks ago... I thought you already knew...  
Ralph: He posts his observations on Twitter.  
Jack: And Facebook.  
Samneric: And on the wall over there for everybody to see...  
Roger: I don't have a facebook, or a twitter, and I know the types of things Maurice writes so I tend to stay away from that wall.  
Maurice: I like that wall **sighs dreamily**  
Roger: *Picks up glass of puppy blood and dumps it on Maurice's head.*  
Maurice: ROGER WHYYYYYYY **runs screaming from room, falls, then continues running**  
Piggy: Um... okay... let's move on...I have a question!  
Jack: You sound like Maurice now.  
Piggy: What I do when I'm alone? Well, I watch-  
Jack: Porn?  
Piggy: *Blushes* No, the Vampire Diaries.  
Jack: Oh...thought you would finally be normal like us.  
Sam: We're-  
Eric: Normal?  
Ralph: When do you watch porn?  
Jack: Never. I have you. Piggy is all alone though, he needs the sexual stimulation.  
Ralph: That's what I thought.  
Piggy: *His face as red as Jacks hair.* I don't need to watch porn to get sexual stimulation.  
Everyone: **awkward silence**  
Ralph: Moving on. Jack, you have a question.  
Jack: Can I make Ralph sing C sharp? Roger could probably tell you that... he hears it every night.  
Roger: How considerate of you.  
Jack: I try. So yes I can make Ralph sing C sharp... and higher. However, my beautiful C sharp is far superior.  
Ralph: So you would rather listen to your own voice then know that you cause such a reaction out of me?  
Jack: I never said that...  
Roger: Okay we're moving on now. Ralph answer your damn question.  
Ralph: Jackfruit honeydew? *Starts giggling madly at the name*  
Roger: Wait, what? Lemme see this. *laughing hysterically*  
Piggy: I just looked it up and Tumblr has it removed so sorry that we cannot properly answer your question. Feel free to tell us what it is and ask again.  
Sam: *mockingly* JACKFRUIT-  
Eric: HONEYDEW!  
Samneric: *extreme laughter*  
Jack: *blushing* Honeydew is tasty... like me.  
Ralph: I have to agree with you there.  
Maurice: *Magically pops back in room and licks Jack's face.* Me too ^.^  
Roger: I wish he stayed gone.  
Maurice: Where's Simon?  
Roger: GOD DAMNIT did he go off somewhere and die or something?  
Everyone: *notices Simon fainted on the floor*  
Ralph: Oh... when did that happen?  
Simon: *Pops back up* After the last time I spoke.  
Maurice: HE'Z ALIVE!  
Roger: Fucking God Damnit! Either die or don't, I DON'T CARE which, just pick a fucking side!  
Simon: I'm sorry :(  
Piggy: You don't have to be sorry, it's out of your control.  
Roger: Yes he does it fucking pisses me off.  
Simon: I'm sorry! *cowers*  
Jack: You have-  
Roger: Just skip him!  
Sam: Thats unfair-  
Eric: To the viewers!  
Roger: Hush. He doesn't need to know.  
Maurice: ANOTHERZ QUEZTONZ!  
Roger: God Fucking dammit.  
Piggy: LANGUAGE!  
Simon: Are those your favorite words or something?  
Roger: Perhaps. I also like the words "murder", "blood", "death", "kill", "destruction", there's others. And I would also say "fire" but that belongs to Ralph.  
Ralph: WE NEED FIRE!  
Piggy: Why?  
Ralph: Ummmm... I... we... FIRE!  
Jack: Don't mention fire, it's one of his bad spots. Besides, we need meat.  
Ralph: FIRE!  
Maurice: QUESTION QUESTION QUESTION QUES-  
Roger: SHUT THE-  
Simon: FRONT DOOR.  
Samneric: *tearing up* WE'RE SO PROUD OF YOU!  
Roger: Well actually, I was going to say-  
Simon: Speak not these unlawful words!  
Roger: We are NOT in church!  
Simon: But we're always in God's house. So be respectful :)  
Maurice: I smile because I like to. Smiling is fun. Smiling's my favorite! :)  
Roger: *Pulls out random roll of duct tape* Jack, pin him to the chair.  
Jack: I don't follow you!  
Roger: Now. *Spoken in a quiet voice like death reincarnated.*  
Maurice: *kisses Roger*  
Roger: OH MY GOD OH MY FUCKING GOD WHAT THE FUCK MAURICE EW! *jumps back in shock*  
Maurice: She asked! :)  
Roger: THAT'S FUCKING GROSS OH MY GOD IT BURNS! *shocked from human contact*  
Jack: Ok *Pins down Maurice*  
Roger: This is now your torture chair. At first I was just going to shut you up but now I am going to paint a pretty portrait on your porcelain skin.  
Simon: Torture isn't nice.  
Roger: *Ties Maurice to the chair with duct tape.*  
Maurice: HALP MEH!  
Roger: *Draws a sad face on Maurices stomach with pocket knife. Blood runs down in a red tear.*  
Maurice: NOOOOOOOO! ANYTHING BUT THAT! PLZ!  
Roger: Done. *Looks appreciatively at his masterpiece.*  
Maurice: NONONONONOOO! :'(  
Simon: *faints again*  
Jack: *Uses blood to paint his face.*  
Sam: *Paints mustache on Simon with blood.*  
Eric: *Adds matching goatee*  
Samneric: LOLZ  
Roger: Now that I've had my fun I guess I won't kill you. Maybe. No promises. That goes for you too **Archmini-Chimera-HS2-PJ9. **  
Sam: OMG! We have-  
Eric: A question!  
Samneric: *read question* Nope. Never read it.  
Piggy: I'm on it!  
Everyone: *reads story**  
Maurice: OH MY GOD *sobbing* Sam I didn't know you were bullied!  
Sam: I'm not-  
Maurice: SHUT UP LET ME LOVE YOU! *hugs Samneric*  
Samneric: *being squished* Ow... you know that story's not real right?  
Maurice: *sobbing more* I DON'T CARE! I LOVE YOU TWINSIES!  
Sam: Well it was pretty heartbreaking...  
Eric: That's sad. Too much sadness. Plus if anyone acted like that I'd murder them. Brutally.  
Roger: I'm so proud! Not really a sad story though...  
Ralph: Says the sadist.  
Roger: Yup. That's me :)  
Piggy: I'm confused at the next part of your question and Percival creeps us out so we are skipping it. Sorry.  
Roger: Don't apologize. She had Maurice KISS me.  
Sam(Or is it Eric): We love-  
Eric(Or is it Sam): Confusing-  
Samneric: People!  
Jack: Questions are over so we're leaving! *Drags Ralph out the door.*  
Roger: Have fun but don't be too loud!  
Simon: Oh look! Someone emailed me about joining our fraternity!  
Roger: Deny them. Beelzebub is for island boys only. It's bad enough Maurice and Percival are in it.  
Maurice: You know you love me! Oh hey btw can you untie me from this chair now?  
Roger: Where did the tape over your mouth go?  
Simon *Still with bloody mustache and goatee unties Maurice*  
Everyone: *bursts out laughing*  
Simon: What?  
Piggy: *Ends video before things get out of hand.*


	5. The Fred to my George

Hey Guyz!I want to start this off by saying I love you Samneric! Anyway i have a few questionz of my own...Piggy, what was your family background like? Roger, Jack, Simon, Ralph, Maurice, what kind of girl would you guyz be in to? (if it is girls...) Samneric, how would you feel if one of you died? Roger, how come you act the way you do? All crazy murderous n all? Maurice, why are you always overlooked? McHANSENFFREY, rock on my friends!  
~Hallow17

Ralph: Guys we got a new letter. Jack, get off!  
Jack: Never... *starts talking in extremely whiny voice.*... I don't wanna! *Stomps foot on ground.*  
Piggy: What are you, three?  
Jack: Shut up fatty. *still kind of whining*  
Piggy: I have rights too!  
Samneric: WE ARE LOVED!  
Everyone: *stares*  
Sam: The letter!  
Eric: She says she loves us!  
Sam: We-  
Eric: Love-  
Samneric: you too!  
Ralph: Hey Piggy, you have a question!  
Piggy: I do? *Stares up at Ralph in wonder an amazement.*  
Jack: Get a move on Fatty. Where are Roger and Simon?  
Roger: *Walks in with blood all over his hands.* You guys already started? That's okay, I had some business to take care of.  
Maurice: Pretty red paint! Can iz seez your picture?  
Roger: Sure. This one is from a week ago but it's good enough. *Pulls up loose floorboard and pulls out black garbage bag.*  
Simon: Hey can someone let me out of here? Pleeeeeeease?  
Roger: Sure, I need Ralph to patch you up. If you bleed out I won't be able to draw any more pictures on you.  
Ralph: Oh my god Roger you shoved Simon in a garbage bag?!  
Simon: We were playing hide and seek... never again...  
Maurice: OOOH I LUV HIDE AND SEEK I WANTS TO PLAY! :D  
Piggy: I have a question so shush!  
Roger: But I just got a new canvas.  
Everyone: *scared for their life*  
Ralph: That's really messed up.  
Jack: As long as he doesn't mar your beautiful skin.  
Piggy: EVERYONE SHUSH I HAVE A QUESTION RAWR!  
Roger: Shut up Fatty!  
Jack: That's my line!  
Roger: *death glare*  
Jack: But you can have it.  
Simon: *Saves the day.* It's Piggy's turn. You guys can share the line. Sharing is caring!  
Jack: I don't like sharing-  
Roger: or caring.  
Sam: You guys-  
Eric: talked like-  
Samneric: us!  
Ralph: *Bangs head on table.*  
Jack: No! Not your beautiful face!  
Piggy: I was born in-  
Ralph: Can we get a pony Jack?  
Jack: Yes baby, whatever you want.  
Piggy: 1931 in Camberley. My mother died when I was born and my father by the time I was five. I went to live with my Auntie-  
Ralph: Sucks to your Auntie!  
Piggy: and have lived with her until The Island. But I died there-  
Roger: Ah, good times.  
Piggy: So I'm not actually sure how I'm here now.  
Simon: It's a miracle!  
Roger: Some miracle...  
Simon: Next question!  
Jack: We already answered this question. I think we can skip it.  
Samneric: Our question!  
Sam: How would we feel-  
Eric: if one of us died?  
Sam: I'd be so sad!  
Eric: I'd cry!  
Sam: It'd be like when Fred dies in Harry Potter!  
Eric: Exactly! I'd be left as George, all twinless...  
Sam: Hey! Who said YOU get to be George?!  
Eric: Well I don't wanna die!  
Sam: So I get to die instead? Meanie!  
Eric: Well I lose an ear!  
Sam: Serves you right!  
Eric: And I'm left without a twin :(  
Sam: Awww. What's an Eric without a Sam?  
Eric: Or a Sam without an Eric?  
Samneric: TWINSIES!  
Eric: I still get to be George though...  
Sam: AVADA KEDAVRA!  
Samneric: *realize this is not Harry Potter* ...  
Roger: You had the chance to kill him and you use the painless spell. Crucio seems the best to me. Anyway I have a question. Hmmmm... I enjoy pain.. I don't know if there is a reason... maybe I learned it at the orphanage...  
Maurice: POOR ROGER! Were you ignored there? Were people meanies to you? DO YOU NEED A HUG?! *pounces on Roger and attack hugs him*  
Roger: Get off. *Pushes Maurice away.*  
Simon: I never knew you lived in an orphanage, Roger.  
Jack: Come to think of it, neither did I.  
Simon: Was it-  
Roger: Hey Maurice, you have a question. *distracts everyone from asking him more questions*  
Maurice: QUESTION!  
Roger: *Mumbles.* I guess this is better than answering questions... maybe...  
Maurice: I KNOW RIGHT? Why AM I overlooked? I try to be as un-overlookable as possible.  
Simon: Where did Maurice go?  
Jack: He seems to have disappeared.  
Maurice: GUYZ THAT IS NOT FUNNY just cuz the book ignores me doesn't mean you get to :(  
Simon: Aw, I'm sorry Maurice.  
Maurice: THAT'S OK I FORGIVE YU!  
Ralph: Oh well. Is that all of the questions?  
Roger: Yes. Thank God  
McHansenffrey: We love you too our friend. Wait a minute Simon has to faint.  
Simon: *Faints*


	6. Hugs Hugs and More Hugs

**OMG I love this :D**  
**Maurice, you're so awesome! I won't ignore you! Heres a hug for you!**  
**Roger you sadist was your past like? If you don't mind sharing**  
**Jack will you take me hunting with you? KILL THE PIG! And besides Kyrie Eleison, what's your favorite choir song or just song in general to sing?**  
**Ralphie! You get too much hate from people. I hereby order everyone to hug you.**  
**Piggy u dont get to talk much I'm sorry dude. but ur smart! and hey i have ass-mar too if it makes you feel better. if you get tired of being called fatty, maybe a diet? can that work if you're dead?**  
**And Simon! YAY I'M SO GOSH DARNED HAPPY UR ALIVE! What do you think of everyone on the island? And tell the Lord of the Flies i said hi.**  
**Great job with this guys!**  
**~AwesomeSauce1234**

Ralph: Hello viewers!  
Maurice: Gimme the letter! *Snatches letter out of Ralphs hands*  
Ralph: Hey! :(  
Maurice: ASDFGHJKL I'M AWESOME! MY AWESOMENESS HAS BEEN ACKNOWLEDGED!  
Roger: Oh God.  
Maurice: OMGZ I got a hug too! *Hugs **AwesomeSauce1234*** I like hugs :)  
Roger: Anyway *Snatches paper from Maurice* I have a question.  
Jack: *Leans over Roger to look at paper* You don't have to answer this question.  
Ralph: It would be a disappointment to our readers if you didn't.  
Simon: Come on Roger, you can do it.  
Roger: The question is about my past. I grew up in an orphanage from a week old. It was a cold December night and I was left without a blanket on the doorstep, a letter tucked under my arm. The letter only told my first name and my birth date. As I got older they gave me a last name for paperwork, Mors, apparently meaning death. I was alone, orphanages aren't fun. I wasn't like the other kids and they hated me for it. It was okay because I hated them too. They picked on me and behind closed doors I tortured them. Eventually they stayed out of my way. I was too smart for the other kids my age so I got a scholarship to a private school. I joined the choir because an extra activity was required.  
Simon: That's deep. *Faints*  
Maurice: I think Roger needs a hug.  
Roger: One step towards me and you get another sad face.  
Maurice: *Dares not step forward*  
Jack: Oh come on, you know you loved choir.  
Roger: It was okay. It distracted me.  
Jack: *Snatches paper from Roger* I have a question! *Grins proudly* Of course you can come hunting-  
McHansenffrey Twin 1: No you can NOT go hunting with them! Jack, and Roger, are MINE! Back off you bitch before I gut you like a fish!  
McHansenffrey Twin 2: FEMALE DOG! Watch your language.  
Jack:...okay... anyways, as long as you're skilled and don't just slow us down like SOME PEOPLE-  
Maurice: Hey! Those trees were cool.  
Jack: *Sarcastically* Uh huh. Anyways, my favorite song. Hmmm...  
Simon: I like-  
Jack: SHUT UP! IT'S MY QUESTION!  
Simon: *Shrinks into corner*  
Jack: ANYWAYS, I enjoy "Baby Got Back" because  
Roger: Oh God  
Jack: I LIKE BIG BUTTS AND I CAN NOT LIE! *Slaps Ralph's ass*  
Ralph: *squeaks in surprise* Jack!  
Maurice: YOU OTHER BROTHERS CAN'T DENY!  
Roger: Oh dear lord make it stop.  
Samneric: *Poof in from thin air*  
Sam: When a girl walks in-  
Eric: With an itty bitty waist-  
Samneric: And a round thing in your face-  
Roger: ENOUGH! *Throws spears at everyone including Simon*  
Simon: Hey! What'd I do?  
Roger: I like throwing spears. *Throws another at Simon*  
Simon: *Squeaks, cowers, then faints*  
Jack: *Calming down from insane laughter* But seriously though. I like singing slower songs, pretty songs. If you wanna go more classic, I always enjoy Ave Maria.  
Ralph: I love it when you sing :)  
Maurice: AWWWWW!  
PIggy: GET ON WITH THE QUESTIONS!  
Ralph: Somebody's in a bad mood...  
Piggy: You would be too, if you were dead.  
Ralph: *Hurt* I'm sorry. I didn't want you to die! You gave me leader-y advice-y stuff!  
Roger: Yeah, like that helped.  
Ralph: Hey!  
Roger: What? You were a shitty leader!  
Ralph: *More hurt* At least I tried to get us rescued!  
Maurice: Yeah, but we never got to have fun!  
Ralph: Yes we did! Especially you guys, going off and not doing your share of work! We could've had fun AND worked together.  
Simon: *Wakes up* I agree! Working together is good :)  
Roger: What do you know? You almost died.  
Person who read the book: Actually, he DID die.  
McHansenffrey Twin 2: Shut up. This is our own reality here.  
Person who read the book: But-  
McHansenffrey Twin 2: DON'T QUESTION ME! *poofs away*  
Person who read the book: *walks away slowly then poofs away*  
Jack:...Dafuq?  
Roger: Whatever. Ralph, you're a bad leader. End of story.  
Maurice: You kind of suck.  
Piggy: And you let me die.  
Roger: All you cared about was that goddamn fire.  
Piggy: They all went savage anyway.  
Ralph: I-I'm sorry-  
Jack: Hey! Stop picking on him! Just because he was a shitty leader-  
Ralph: Hey! :(  
Jack: Sorry babe. I love you... but my tribe was far superior.  
Ralph: *More hurt*  
Simon: *Politely takes letter from Jack* Hey, this letter says everyone hates Ralph too much. It commands we give him hugs.  
Maurice: OOH I LIKE HUGS! *snatches letter from Simon* I'll hug you Ralphie!  
Everyone:...Ralphie?  
Maurice: That's what the letter says! *drops letter and gives Ralph huge hug*  
Ralph: Ow...Can't...breathe-  
Jack: *Hugs Ralph* I'm sorry. I was mean.  
Simon: *Hugs Ralph*  
Ralph: Ok I appreciate the love but seriously I can't get air  
Everyone: *Lets go*  
Ralph: Thank you.  
Piggy: *Hugs Ralph*  
Ralph: AH!  
Piggy: *Lets go* Sorry. I didn't get the chance earlier.  
Maurice: Roger! You didn't hug him!  
Roger: Good observation.  
Maurice: WELL HUG HIM! The letter says you have to.  
Roger: Bollocks to the letter.  
Maurice: Hug him or I hug you.  
Roger: I dare you.  
Maurice: *Epic hugs Roger before he has time to react*  
Roger: GAH! Maurice let go of me!  
Maurice: Hug Ralph.  
Roger: NEVER!  
Ralph: That's really okay, he doesn't have to-  
Maurice: HE MUST COMPLY TO THE DEMANDS OF **AWESOMESAUCE1234**!  
Roger: No!  
Maurice: *Tightens hug*  
Roger: The affection... it- it burns!  
Maurice: Hug him.  
Roger: FINE! FINE! Just let the fuck go!  
Maurice: *Lets go, grinning*  
Roger: *Punches Maurice* Asshole.  
Maurice: Well, go on.  
Roger: Um... *gives uber-quick air hug* there.  
Maurice: Eh, close enough. Oh my God! Piggy, you have a question!  
Piggy: WHAAAAAAAAA-  
Roger: Oh God just get it over with.  
Piggy: Well, thank you for your sorrow. I try to talk, but these dimwits won't listen. And yes, I am smart! Thank you! And there's nothing wrong with having asthma-  
Ralph: SUCKS TO YOUR ASS-MAR!  
Piggy:...Anyways, it's just annoying.  
Simon: Embrace your faults! They make you who you are!  
Jack: Okay really Simon enough with the cheesy sayings.  
Simon: Just trying to be a positive person here!  
Piggy: ANYWAYS, as much as I'd love to not be fat, I'm dead. And therefore I can't lose weight. BECAUSE I'M DEAD. YA HEAR THAT YOU LITTLE SAVAGES? DEAD. BECAUSE YOU MURDERED ME.  
Roger: Good times, good times.  
Ralph: I'm sorry! It wasn't my fault!  
Roger: Hell no! Don't be taking credit for my work!  
Ralph: I wasn't!  
Roger: Good. I'm proud of my work.  
Simon: *Disturbed*...proud?  
Roger: Yes. *Confused at his disturbed look*  
Piggy: Well, thank you **AwesomeSauce1234** for acknowledging me. I appreciate it :) Simon, your turn.  
Simon: Huh? Oh! *Takes letter that Piggy hands him* Thanks! Well, I guess I'm pretty happy I'm alive too.  
Maurice: YAY WHOO! SIMON LIVES!  
Simon: What do I think of everyone on the island? Hmm...  
Maurice: OOH ME FIRST ME FIRST!  
Simon: Okay! Well, I think you brought a lot of insanity to the island, which is a good thing considering the circumstances. You made us laugh, and we needed that.  
Maurice: Awh, thanks buddy!  
Simon: Ralph, I think you tried your best at being leader. It's a hard job, especially when people aren't too inclined to listen. Kudos to you! You were the last civilized one. You stayed who you were.  
Ralph: Thanks Simon :) I tried. It was a little hard though with SOMEBODY trying to be savage and take over!  
Jack: Hey! We needed meat!  
Ralph: Yeah, yeah.  
Jack: *Kisses Ralph*  
Maurice: AWWWWWWWWW  
Jack: Okay, really, you gotta stop doing that.  
Maurice: Okay :(  
Simon: Ooh Jack you're next!  
Jack: *Cocky grin* Alright.  
Simon: Let's see... well your C sharp is quite stunning-  
Jack: Indeed. See? I ought to have been chief!  
Simon: And your makeup was pretty!  
Jack: WARPAINT! IT WAS WARPAINT!  
Simon: And while you might not have gone about it perfectly, I think you were an alright leader. You did get meat for everyone, and you had SOME fire at least.  
Jack: Simon why are you being so nice?  
Simon: I don't know what you're talking about.  
Jack:You didn't like my tribe because it was savage...  
Simon: It wasn't my FAVORITE tribe...  
Jack: *Skeptical look*  
Simon: I'm sorry!  
Piggy: Get on with it!  
Jack: Shut up fatty!  
Simon: That was mean :( Anyways, Piggy, you were the smart one. Thanks for really trying to help out and get us rescued!  
Piggy: Thanks Simon, it's nice to be appreciated.  
Roger: Simon stop being so nice. It burns.  
Simon: Sorry! I don't like being mean.  
Piggy: Don't judge him just because he's nice! You could learn something from him!  
Roger: Say another word. I dare you.  
Piggy: *Silence*  
Simon: *Kind of scared* Um... well, Roger. You were good at hunting pigs!  
Roger: They didn't ask what we were good at, they asked what you think of us. You're being too nice.  
Simon: Well... I think a lot of you just got absorbed in the savagery the island brought on us. A darker side of our nature showed and yes, some of you fell to it easier and quicker than others. But I don't blame anybody for any of it. It could happen to anyone.  
Roger: GODDAMNIT SIMON WE ALMOST FUCKING KILLED YOU AND YOU FORGIVE US JUST LIKE THAT?!  
Simon: *Shrugs*It wasn't your fault.  
Roger: Jesus Christ. I need to go kill something. *Leaves room*  
Jack: Simon don't mind him. He gets pissy when people are good.  
Simon: It's ok! Oops, almost forgot Samneric. They're funny! On the island they helped out a lot too, which was good. And plus they're really loyal.  
Samneric: *Poof in from nowhere* Thanks Simon! *Poof away*  
Simon: That it?  
Ralph: There's another part to your question.  
Simon: Oops! Almost forgot! *Looks at paper and turns pale white*  
Ralph: You okay?  
Simon: Tell the Lord of the Flies...  
Ralph: What?  
Simon: Lord of the Flies...  
Piggy: What's he talking about?  
Ralph: I've honestly no idea...  
Jack: He's batty.  
Simon: Pigs head on a stick... *faints*  
Jack: Oh God not this again. It was a gift!  
Ralph: *Takes letter from Simon's hands* Um... Okay. Well that was interesting. Thanks **AwesomeSauce1234** for your letter!  
Maurice: YES! And I love your name. I, too, am awesomesauce.  
Ralph. Ok. Well that's all for questions. Thanks for the letters!  
Jack: We appreciate them! *Grabs Ralph* Now let's go.  
Piggy: *Poofs away*  
Maurice: Now I'm alone :(  
McHansenffrey: *Poof in from nowhere* NEVER FEAR! WE ARE HERE!  
Maurice: Dafuq?  
McHansenffrey: Thank you our lovely reviewers! Keep on reviewing! We're so glad people like this :)  
Maurice: I'm very confused...  
McHansenffrey: Hush, child. You have much to learn. Here, have a cookie!  
Maurice: EEEEEEEEH! *Takes cookie*  
McHansenffrey: *Struts away down the street with corny music in background and sun shining its beautiful rays upon everything*  
Maurice: NARWHAL KUMQUAT KIWI UNICORN DRAGON WIZARDS! *Clicks off video*


	7. Demons and Ghosts and Hunting, Oh My

**Omgz this is awesome**  
**Jalph all the way!**  
**Jack ur the sexiest hunter evar. who sings best in choir? (Besides u)**  
**And yay for Simon living! ur so cute :) how did it feel being so betrayed? and why did u always go off into the forest?**  
**Ralph ur wizard. just sayin. kudos to u 4 trying 2 keep order!**  
**piggy ur kinda annoying but hey ur smart and that counts for something. so hows the afterlife or watever? what was it like being crushed by a boulder?did it hurt or did it kill u 2quick 2 feel it?**  
**samneric u guys r cray cray I luv u. keep up the twinception!**  
**Update soon guys! i enjoy reading it**  
**~Ladila**

Ralph: I like this person. She loves Jalph just like me and thinks Jack is sexy! We have so much in common.  
Maurice: DOEZ SHE LOVE ME TOO?  
Roger: *Looks over Ralphs shoulder at letter* You're not even mentioned. Too bad for you... shit! I'm not mentioned either. I should find her and rip her head off her shoulders before cutting her heart out and feeding it to her family at her funeral... that sounds like fun.  
Simon: Don't you think it's better to write her a kindly worded complaint?  
Roger: Not as much fun and I need more red paint.  
Simon: Ah yes, your "artwork"...  
Roger: I know. It's beautiful.  
Jack: Hush hush peasants. I have been addressed.  
Roger: Dafuq are you talking like that?  
Jack: Shut up.  
Roger: *rolls eyes*  
Jack: Why yes, I AM the sexiest hunter. Ever. *gives arrogant smirk*  
Ralph: I agree with that statement  
Roger: Nobody asked you.  
Maurice: I disagree. Roger is obvi da sexiest.  
Roger:...As creepy as that is Maurice, I must say it is true.  
Jack: LIES! LIEEEEEEEES! *hisses*  
Everyone: *scared for their life*  
Jack: *clears throat* Anyways, who sings the best in choir? Well, I am obviously superior of course. But I think I'd have to say-  
Maurice: I KNEW IT! Why Jack, I'm flattered. Thank you very much for noticing my mad skillz.  
Jack:...Actually I was gonna say Simon.  
Maurice: WHAT D:...Naw you're right he sounds so angelic.  
Simon: *Blushes freaking adorably* Thank you!  
Jack: But I of course reign supreme.  
Everyone: *rolling eyes* Yes, Jack.  
Roger: I am obviously better than you even if Simon beats me, Jack.  
Jack: Keep dreaming hun.  
Roger: You wanna go? *steps up to Jack*  
Maurice: *Steps in between them* SIMON HAZ QUESTIONZ ALLOW HIM TO ANSWER THEM FRIENDZ!  
Simon: Oh! *reads questions* Yeah, I suppose living is pretty good. And thank you! I'm told I'm cute a lot-  
McHansenffrey Twin 2: BECAUSE YOU ARE! JUST LOOK AT HIM MY GAWD! *pinches cheeks, then poofs away*  
Simon: Umm... anyways...  
Jack: Oh God, get ready for a guilt trip everyone.  
Simon: What? You all know I forgive you. I guess betrayal is never a good feeling, ya know? Especially when it's by people you've known for so long.  
Ralph: We thought you were the beast.  
Sam: We thought-  
Eric: You left-  
Samneric: Early.  
Ralph: I lied.  
Samneric: Thats ok, *speak in dramatic whisper* we lied too.  
Simon: I know you thought that. That's why I was even there, because of the "beast". I forgive you guys. Anyways, my second question. Why did I always go off into the forest? Well-  
Maurice: HE LIKES FLOWERS MY GOD DON'T FREAKING JUDGE HIM!  
Simon: ...Sure. Hey Ralph, you're next! ^.^  
Ralph: Huh? Oh! Why yes, I AM pretty wizard! THANK YOU somebody for not just hating me...  
Jack: Why would anyone hate you? *Leans over and pecks Ralph's cheek.*  
Everyone (except Roger, of course): AWWWW!  
Ralph: Anyways, yes, I tried! I TRIED TO KEEP ORDER! I tried, and therefore no one should criticize me. Alright, next question.  
Sam: Next question-  
Eric: Is for-  
Samneric:...Piggy?  
Maurice: Oh right, he exists. *just realizing this*  
Roger: It is a sad day in hell when he gets a question and I don't. Even *shudders* Maurice deserves questions before him. Even Percival should get questions first and I hate him.  
Piggy: *poofs in from thin air* I HAVE BEEN SUMMONED.  
Jack:...summoned?  
Maurice: Calm down Piggy this isn't Black Butler you weren't summoned like some kind of demon butler.  
McHansenffrey Twin 2: He is not hot enough to be Sebastian. *Black Butler addict right here*  
Roger: Demon butler?  
Maurice: Anime, anyone? No? :( okay.  
McHansenffrey Twin 1: He could be a really ugly demon from Supernatural...  
Roger: Let's go back to this demon butler thing. Can I summon one? We could take over the world and eat souls...  
Maurice: BAD ROGER NO EATING SOULS!  
McHansenffrey Twin 1: That's what dementors are for.  
Roger: Aww :(  
Maurice: What's that mysterious ticking noise?  
Jack: Draco likes fire  
Ralph: I like fire!  
Maurice: Draco likes hamsters! Draco likes honey! Draco likes-  
Piggy: SHUT UP YOU RABIE! I have a duty to answer these questions! *dramatic look*  
Maurice: *sniggers* Duty. Hehe.  
Piggy: I'm glad SOMEONE sees my intelligence. To answer your question, the afterlife is pretty nice. I can haunt people, and boulders can't hit me anymore!  
Roger: *Throws boulder at Piggy*  
Piggy: HA!  
Roger: Hmm... *takes out gun from pocket*  
Piggy: Pitiful. That won't work on me, Rog, you rabie.  
Roger: *shoots gun and Piggy disappears* Rock salt. Take that, fatty.  
Everyone: *in awe*  
Sam: Wow Roger. I didn't know you were a Ghostbuster!  
Roger: Shut it, boy.  
Sam: What? It was cool! You were all like *makes strange motions* RAHHHHHASDWSDCNHFJ!  
Eric: Then Piggy was all *makes more random motions* AHHHHH I AM A GHOST AND I AM DYING AS A GHOST AHHHHHH  
Samneric: How cool!  
Roger: Yeah, I am pretty cool.  
Piggy: *reappears* I wasn't done yet. At least let me answer the questions!  
Roger: Since they're about my lovely murder of you, fine.  
Piggy: *glares* Well, being crushed by a boulder wasn't very fun, lemme tell you that. It was like one second, I was talking sense into some savages, clinging on to dear life but still alive, and the next...  
Ralph: I'm so sorry, Piggy.  
Roger: Don't be, Ralph. He had it coming. *smirks*  
McHansenffrey Twin 1: Roger you're so hot.  
Roger: I know.  
Piggy: It did hurt, but only for a few seconds. I was dead before I hit the rock.  
Roger: MMmmmm. I was very effective, then.  
Piggy: SHUT UP YOU FREAKING RABIE!  
Maurice: Why the hell do you keep calling him a rabie?  
Roger: *Shoots Piggy with the rock salt gun again* Who cares? Samneric, you have a question, er, comment thingy.  
Sam: Oh my! It seems-  
Eric: We do have  
Samneric: A question/comment thingy!  
Sam: It's more of a comment thingy.  
Eric: Indeed. But those are fun also!  
Sam: Yes! Like cupcakes!  
Eric: Cupcakes are fun! I could-  
Sam: Use some? Me, too. Hey, let's-  
Eric: Make some? What a great idea!  
Sam: *Returns to letter* We ARE cray cray!  
Eric: Cray cray? Like-  
Sam: No, silly, not like the fish! Like-  
Eric: Insane! Ah, I see!  
Everyone: *Silently admiring the art of twinception*  
Sam: And don't worry, we'll-  
Eric: Definitely keep up the  
Samneric: Twinception!  
Maurice: ….THAT IS SO COOL! You twinsies my god.  
Samneric: *proud*  
Jack: Alright, time to go. I've got choir practice. *takes Ralph's hand*  
Ralph: I've got to support him :)  
Roger: I've got... business.  
Simon: Botany class :D  
Samneric: Pranks to pull!  
Maurice: People to stalk!  
Everyone: *Stares*  
Maurice: I mean nothing. Nothing at all. Wut. HEY I'M A DINOSAUR RAWWWWWR! *Knocks computer over, therefore ending it*


	8. Superheroes and Satan

**You answered my question! Yay! I should really make an account on here. Anyways...**  
**Jack! You were mean to Ralph :( you should be nicer to your love! Now I dont like you... nah just kidding I love you.**  
**Ralphie. Thats what I'm calling you now. You're my absolute favorite! Can you turn straight and date me? Please?**  
**Maurice baby you know I love you. Tell me, if you were all superheroes (like batman, the avengers, superman, etc) who would you be?**  
**Roger I'm so sorry your past is so sad :'( but hey, killing piggy made you happy right?**  
**Simon! You're so cute and nice. I wish more people were like you.**  
**McHansenffrey I love you! Keep up the great work!**  
**~AwesomeSauce1234**

Ralph: ….Ralphie?  
Jack: Thats so CUTE!  
Roger: Kill me now  
Ralph: I don't know if I like that name-  
Maurice: HUSH ITZ ADORBZ.  
Jack: He's right, Ralphie. *hugs*  
Ralph: Okay, so back to the letter. *reads* Oh...  
Jack: NO! HE'S MINE! YOU CAN'T HAVE HIM PEASANT! BACK OFF!  
Simon: It was just an innocent questi-  
Jack: NO. *hisses*  
Simon: *Fearing for his life*  
Maurice: Jack what's with you and hissing?  
Jack: *Hisses*  
Roger: *Punches Jack* No. Bad Jack. That's annoying.  
Ralph:...anyways, sorry, but I'm taken ;)  
McHansenffrey Twin 1: We shipped you but I can always break you up Jack, stop being rude to the reviewers, we need them.  
Jack: Fine, geez. Don't judge me, I just love Ralph.  
Simon: Awwwwww...  
Maurice: IIII HAAAAAAVEEEEE AAAAAAAAA QUEEESSSTIOOOONNNN! *Runs around like a crazed maniac, smashes into a wall, gets up, smashes into another wall, then continues running*  
Roger: It's not your turn. *Wacks Maurice with baseball bat*  
Maurice: *Slumps to floor unconscious*  
Simon: Hey! It's my job to faint...  
Roger: *Hits Simon over the head* You asked for it.  
Maurice: *Miraculously wakes up*  
Roger: WTF?  
Maurice: Da power of da question HAS RISEN ME!  
Roger: Ugh *facepalm* fine. Go answer it while I carve somebody.  
Sam: Yay we get-  
Eric: To be superheroes!  
Samneric: *epic high-five of epicness*  
Sam: Shouldn't Roger-  
Eric: Be a villain?  
Maurice: I'll start with... Ralphie! Hmmmm...  
Ralph: Oh God.  
Maurice: CAPTAIN AMERICA! *does epic superhero pose*  
Ralph: That's not too bad...  
Piggy: It makes perfect sense, Ralph is a great leader who didn't really want the position and was the best one for the job... he also fell in love with the narcissistic asshole that he fought with in the beginning. That is correct, right Maurice?  
Maurice: NOPE its cuz they're both blondies with blue eyes.  
Piggy: *Facepalm*  
Simon: *Awakens**Picks himself up off the floor* Hi guys... what's happening?  
Jack: Maurice was answering his question on each persons superhero identity. So far we have Ralph is Captain America.  
Maurice: Jack is Iron Man.  
Jack: That's fitting, we are both narcissistic and date adorable blondes.  
Piggy: Who am I Maurice?  
Maurice: YOU'RE THE THING!  
Jack: *Hysterical laughing*  
Piggy: Why me? Why The Thing?  
Maurice: Well, you both have no real names, no one likes you, and you're fat.  
Simon: That's mean! ...*quietly* But true.  
Piggy: I think it was worse to hear Simon say it.  
Ralph: SIMON! I'm shocked... how could you be so cruel? *Assumes disapproving position* Have you been hanging out with Jack or Roger?  
Simon: Yes *hangs head*... I'M SORRY! *Sits in the corner curled in a ball rocking back and forth* I'm sorry Piggy I'm sorry Piggy I'm sorry Piggy-  
Jack: *Glances at Roger* We've taught him well.  
Roger: Now he just needs to learn to never feel guilt.  
Ralph: You can't teach him that. He is such a nice person. You'll ruin him!  
Jack: No we won't. We are teaching him to have a backbone. He can be nice without being stepped all over.  
Ralph: That's okay I guess... I can understand that.  
Roger: I don't think he could handle torturing anyone anyway.  
Maurice: Simon is... Angel!  
Ralph: From X-Men?  
Jack: ...Why?  
Maurice: He is heavenly and Angel has wings, and his name is ANGEL!  
Piggy: It's better than The Thing.  
Simon: I like it. I would love the feel of flying, the freedom. I could fly over to any forest and relax with nature in the trees!  
Jack: *cough*Treehugger*cough*  
Maurice: Samneric... you guyz are hard... I can't think of two superheroes close enough in personality...  
Sam: Just make us-  
Eric: The same person.  
Sam: We're close-  
Eric: Enough already!  
Maurice: Spiderman!  
Everyone:...?  
Maurice: Like, they could both be Spiderman. Like little twinsie spidermen. OMG that'd be awesome!  
Samneric: Yay!  
Sam: We could go around-  
Eric: Just shooting everyone with webs!  
Sam: We could stick everybody together-  
Eric: Or just use them to go everywhere!  
Samneric: We could rule the world!  
Sam: All hail Samneric!  
Eric: Bow down peasants!  
Jack: But-  
Samneric: BOW!  
Ralph: Hey! I'm the leader here!  
Roger: LOL yeah sure okay.  
Maurice: Now for Roger...hmmm...  
Roger: Satan?  
Piggy: It fits.  
Jack: So even though Satan is not a superhero or a supervillain no other character fits better.  
Roger: Thank you. :)  
Simon: You're welcome!  
Maurice: I would be-  
Roger: Aquaman. He's stupid and pointless, like you.  
Maurice: Okay! Yay! *Strikes super awk pose*  
Ralph: Moving on...  
Jack: Roger it's your turn.  
Roger: Don't worry about my past. I don't care about that. Killing Piggy though...  
Piggy: Hey! That was a very traumatic experience!  
Roger: Good!  
Simon: ROGER! Don't be a meanie butt.  
Roger: Hush. Killing him was fun. Hearing the bones in his skull crush when the boulder hit his head and the warm blood that oozed from his head and pooled around his still body was... beautiful.  
Jack: Wow Roger, you're such a poet.  
Roger: I try, it adds to my artistic look.  
Piggy: You didn't make any cave paintings with my blood did you?  
Roger: No... though I did add more red face paint with it. Some of the littluns did too.  
Ralph: That is sickening.  
Roger: It was beautiful.  
Ralph: I'm sure...  
Roger: Hush blondie.  
Maurice: BOTH OF YU HUSH UP it's Simon's turn!  
Simon: Oh. *Reads letter* Thank you!  
Sam: Geez Simon, seems that everyone-  
Eric: Thinks you're cute.  
Maurice: CUZ HE IS DO YOU SEE HIM?  
Piggy: Well-  
Maurice: DO YOU?! *Breaths fire*  
Everyone:...  
Simon: Anyways, thanks for the compliments!  
Sam: Awwww! She wishes-  
Eric: More people were like you!  
Simon: *Blushes* Well- I mean-  
Roger: Dammit Simon just accept the compliment.  
Simon: Well-  
Roger: Accept it or I'll carve you.  
Simon: *Eyes go wide* Okay!  
Maurice: DON'T HURT HIM! *Dramatically jumps in front of Simon to protect him from Roger's threat*  
Everyone: *Staring*  
Maurice: I have saved you!  
Simon:...Thanks?  
Maurice: YOU'RE WELCOME YOU ADORABLE LITTLE BUTTERFLY!  
Jack: Maurice are you high?  
Maurice: NO!


	9. Simon gets dirty

**Hiiii**

**Ralphie (hahaha that name is hillarious) i love you! Do you have any other nicknames? What's your full name?**

**Jack your a hottie :) still think you should have won the best abs competition, not roger! Hmm what would you rate the other characters on their looks? (from 1-10)**

**Roger...dont eat puppies. Eat kittens?! Dogs are cuter than cats in my opinion hehe**

**samneric I LOVE YOU can you both be my adopted little brothers?!**

**Simon you're adorable, whats the dirtiest thing you've ever done?**

**Maurice. You are a sassy bitch. Dont ever stop. I think you're amazing :)**

**from xxx saoirse xxx**

Ralph: I don't really enjoy being called Ralphie... you're setting a bad example for Jack-

Jack: Aww Ralphie. *kisses*

Ralphie:I don't know you so I can't really say 'I love you' but thank you for feeling that way!

Simon: You should love everyone whether you know them or not.

Sam: We love-

Eric: you **Saoirse**!

Maurice: I LOVE YOU **SAOIRSE**!

Jack: YOU BETTER NOT LOVE HER RALPH! YOUR LOVE BELONGS TO ME ONLY!

Roger: Wow... jealous much?

Jack: Hush...

Ralph: I don't have any other nicknames-

Jack: Yes you DO!

Ralph: Okay Jack can we not do this NOW?

Jack: *Sighs* Fine...*Mutters something under his breath*

Maurice: What?

Ralph: NOTHING. NOTHING AT ALL. Moving on. My full name is Ralph Anderson.

Simon: You don't have a middle name?

Ralph: Well-

Maurice: JACK QUESTION ANSWER NOW.

Jack: That was rude. Ralphie sweetie tell them your middle name.

Ralph: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh...Fuck you.

Jack: I didn't know you were an exhibitionist.

Ralph: I can't do this Jack answer your question.

Jack: Fine. Someone's in a mood.

Maurice: Oooh, they think you're hot.

Jack: That's because I am.

Roger: But not hotter than me.

Maurice: Not according to them.

Roger: WhaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAt?! *Rage table flip*

Jack: YES! YES MY HOTNESS HAS BEEN ACKNOWLEDGED!

Roger: Lies. All lies. My dear people, you are being deceived.

Jack: By my sexiness.

Maurice: OOH YOU GET TO RATE PEOPLE! ME FIRST ME FIRST!

Jack: No.

Maurice: Okay.

Jack: Well, I'm obviously a 10, Ralphie is a million-

Ralph: Aww :')

Simon: That's so cute!

Jack: I can be sweet when I want to be.

Roger: You weren't being sweet when you thought you were hotter than me.

Jack: Because I wouldn't lie to our readers. I AM hotter than you.

Roger: *Wields knife* Wanna bet?

Fangirls: *Swoon*

McHansenffrey Twin 1: Roger wins.

Jack: FINE Roger. You can be a 10 too.

McHansenffrey Twin 1: Good job Jack. You're hot too. Love you. *Rides out on a hellhound*

Jack: I can't really see Simon as hot... but hey you get a 10 on the cuteness scale.

Simon: Yay! ^.^

Samneric: What about us?

Jack: I don't know... maybe like a 7? 8?

Samneric: WHOO! *Epic high five*

Maurice: OOH! ME! PICK ME JACK! WHAT AM I?!

Jack:... Negative 10.

Maurice: WHOO I BROKE THE SCALE!

Roger: Maurice that's really not something to be proud of...

Maurice: HUSH I'm being glorious.

Roger: Whatever you say Maurice. *Eats puppy cookie*

Ralph: *Disgusted* Erm, speaking of eating puppies, seems like you got a question Roger.

Roger: Of course I do.

Simon: I don't like this question...

Roger: Actually, I don't either. In case you are forgetting, I am a sadistic sociopath. My preference to which species I consume does in no way branch off of any other's opinion of the nourishment that I should or should not be consuming. I happen to enjoy puppy eating, thank you very much. And I shall continue to devour their delicious meat until I so decide. And by the way, I happen to like kittens.

Simon: Oh my God! Roger likes something!

Maurice: HE LIKES CATS! Black Butler, anyone? Roger, you're definitely Sebastian.

Roger: Will you stop referencing that?

Maurice: BUT YOU COULD TOTALLY BE A SOUL-DEVOURING SUPER AWESOME DEMON THAT CAN PRETTY MUCH DO FREAKING ANYTHING AND LOVES CATS!

Roger: ….I suppose

Maurice: You so could.

Jack: I can see it.

Ralph: I concur. Moving on-

Samneric: IT'S TWINSIES' TIME TO SHINE!

Sam: She wants us to be-

Eric: Her adopted brothers!

Sam: I've never had a sister before!

Eric: Me neither!

Sam: Obviously not, dumbfuck.

Eric: HAY! Don't mock me :(

Sam: Sorry, bro.

Eric: S'all good.

Maurice: God, your conversations are SO FREAKING MESMERIZING!

Sam: I know-

Eric: We're just THAT amazing.

Samneric: *Put on epic shades* Yeah.

Maurice: It's like a spotlight just shines down from the heavens and illuminates you guys and nobody else can interrupt because you guys talking is such a freaking show.

Sam: But of course!

Eric: Who would dare interrupt us-

Sam: As we spoke words of pure amazingness?

Eric: Of twinsie wisdom?

Samneric: OOOFFFFFFFF THEEEEEE UUUUNNNIIIIVEEEEERRRSEEEEE!

Maurice: *In awe* I want a twinsie!

Samneric: *Proud*

Jack: *Starts laughing*

Roger: What's got you all worked up?

Jack: *Takes a breath* Simon's question.

Roger: *Reads* *Cue laughter*

Simon: Oh God I'm scared.

Jack: This should be interesting.

Simon: No like seriously I'm scared to look.

Maurice: OMFG GAIZ it's just ANOTHER question saying you're adorable.

Simon: Oh! That's nice! Thank you!

Maurice: Aaaaaaaaaand she wants to know the dirtiest thing you've ever done.

Simon: Huh? *blushes furiously*

Maurice: Well, go on.

Simon: Well, I was covered in dirt a lot on the island-

Roger: You little prick we all know that YOU KNOW that's not what she meant. You hang around US all day.

Simon: What do you mean?

Jack: Don't play the "I'm so innocent" card, Simon.

Simon: I have no idea what you mean *huffs*.

Ralph: Stop avoiding the question.

Simon: You too Ralph? You're supposed to back me up!

Ralph: But I'm curious.

Simon: I see, betrayal. Just like on the island.

Ralph: DAMMIT SIMON STOP TRYING TO GET US OFF TRACK!

Simon: *Faints*

Jack:...GOD DAMNIT.

Roger: Let's just move the fuck on since Simon fucking skipped out on us.

Maurice: AWWWWW I LOVE YOU TOOOOO! *Strikes random pose with hands on hips*

Roger: *Pushes Maurice* Yeah yeah, you love everyone. Goodbye assholes see you when I am forced to come next week.


End file.
